When Anger is a Constructive Driving Force

I’ll be brief and will quote from a letter I sent to Cari Cole today, for her part in inspiring me to turn one gift into an outpouring:  

“Thanks again for your initial response to me, a total stranger, someone you did not know. If it hadn’t been for you, I would never have started this ‘campaign’for Liz, and I suspect now (now that I’m hitting my anger again re. WHY this happened—no healthcare b/c she damn well couldn’t afford it—and I’ve now heard from two other MySpacers in the same position, one who is now bedridden!!! and another who is paying off a $10,000 bill after still not being treated) — now, this is growing in meaning for me. I am lucky to have ‘universal healthcare’ in the UK and Canada, but let me tell you…I’m not impressed with Michael Moore’s take on the ‘NHS’ here in the UK. He was more honest in his appraisal of the system when his film aired here and he was interviewed by the BBC. It is broken and needs fixing…it IS about money. Rant done. 

My focus now is turning towards Liz and away from this campaign…actually here is what I said to our online songwriter’s forum: 

Liz is VERY ill. And I won’t be helpful if I get ill.

Heeding a few of your messages of concern, I’ll be

brief here today and will keep up the tracker etc.,

but I have (strangely) lost all my inhibition in

BLUNTLY asking my friends directly to please do

something, and oddly they are. If you would do the

same, if you are involved in this, I truly need some

help now. Tricia did not report on Liz’s condition,

but if her mother is very ‘tired’ after this

respiratory incident, then I suspect all the time in

the world is not available here. If you have any

intention of acting, please do so now. If you can pull

in ‘a’ friend or two, please do. 

I will probably turn my attention now towards writing

TO Liz, rather than rallying FOR her. So, I turn this

over to you and to the universe. I have tried

to fulfill a small mission here. Maybe numbers don’t

matter. They do for me, because I want this to have

‘magnitude’. I want this woman who has felt so very

alone at times in her life (not going into it) to KNOW

she is NOT ALONE. Furthermore, this is a stand on what

has happened here, re. this travesty of medical

injustice. This is an attempt, also, to pull together

a community—musical artists—around an issue that

SHOULD matter to us: uninsured artists who cannot

afford health care insurance. Enough on that. 

I must now turn towards Liz. 

Thanks. I’m here if anyone needs an address.

Otherwise, help me keep track of numbers.

We are ALL  doing great!”

The point is: I have spent most of my life hiding behind my convictions, afraid to put them out there, to stand up for what I believe in as an artist. Take it from me and others who have advised me over the years: there’s no reason for this. There’s no reason to pussy foot around issues that matter to you,. Let anger, when you feel it, be a driving force for your music.

I heard a saying about anger many years ago. It is not the base emotion, but rather the emotion that masks ‘disappointment’ or a sense of injustice. So, anger is not an enemy. It should be examined, worked with, and constructive in our our work and our healing. As Cari might say: it should be ‘transformative’.

Peace. Just needed to get that off my mind. And also…I love Michael Moore.

The Power of Love and Faith

Love is not just a feeling. It is an action. An intention. It is a result that comes from attentive caring to everything that you do in life, musically, socially, personally, inwardly and externally. I stated to a Nigerian singer and friend of mine today over dinner at the bottom of the Trof pub: I’m having a spiritual ’shattering’.

 

There is no time for negativity. It is a lesson I am realizing now. It is easy to be angry and pessimistic in the world, at the world. I can go through waves of it. But when we are called up, by the universe or god or whatever force moves you, to ACT, it becomes quickly clear that things only get done with intent, care and love, and the faith that such actions will produce positive results.

How is it I haven’t believed enough in myself and my music until now to act (that is a bit of an exaggeration; I have been doing it in my own time, just a little bit too much time, I think; yet time nurtures in a different way)? I was too consumed with myself and my music until this tragedy happened. Okay, the drive was also my concern for the welfare of people I have written songs about. But it was not immediate. It wasn’t pressing. It wasn’t in my face.

It makes sense. We (and our audiences) only respond to that which is directly within our reach and realm of comprehension. You can’t prompt someone to care about those dying and starving and on the run and in refugee camps out of Darfur if they can’t relate to it. I can’t get anyone to give a rat’s ass about my dear and beautiful friend and songwriting partner Liz Ward unless they can relate to her music. I’m reaching with one very long arm to the world, but one person has a lot of gates to open to be heard.

 

It’s exhausting. There needs to be balance. Rejuvenation in moments, so that you can sustain yourself. Today, after such a gift — David Foster’s involvement now — we had a crisis. Liz went into respiratory distress. It was alleviated. her lungs drained. Now, all of a sudden, light.

Doctors say they may be able to cure our friend yet, and chemo is to start as soon as her breathing stabilizes. I feel I am dreaming. I want to cry and curl up and sleep now. I want someone and something else to hold us all for a moment. I know it (and you) will.

So, love has sustained days of effort here to get ACTION on all levels. Love has given hope and will give hope. 21 people now have stepped up to send a ’stuffie’ to Liz along with kind words. Faith now will take us to a new level.

Applied to my music, later, when I can concentrate on it, I know I will stop being afraid of sharing my songs, my messages, my truths, my stories and experiences. Life is so short and precious on the one hand, and so delightfully infinite on the other. One breath at a time, Liz will live and be present. One breath at a time, so will I. And while she will have her journey now, I will have mine, and ours will merge. As will OURS, dear reader.

So, keep the faith. Make music. Spread love.