An open letter to the members of Performing Songwriters (United Worldwide) on Facebook

THIS IS TAKEN FROM A FRIDAY UPDATE TO THE MEMBERS OF A FACEBOOK GROUP CALLED: PERFORMING SONGWRITERS (UNITED WORLDWIDE)
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110532175707

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Dear Friends of PSUW:

This is a response to a TALKBACK thread posted here (join in):

WHAT IT MEANS TO ME TO BE A PERFORMING SONGWRITER
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=110532175707&topic=12599

And for those of you who don’t know me and wonder why this is such a personal sharing, you might want to know I have worked hard at my career and accomplished a fair bit in the time I’ve been at it. I’m proud of that. A proper introduction/summation here:

http://www.sonicbids.com/loreleiloveridge
http://www.loreleiloveridge.com
http://www.myspace.com/loreleiloveridge

Now, into this question of what it means…

I will be candid enough to say that, at the start of 2010, I am in a place of disorientation about what it means to me to be a songwriter. That should not be such a surprise, as the external environment (the music business) reflects back to the internal environment and perhaps impacts it, mirrors it. (And vice versa. We absolutely have the power to impact the environment with our thoughts and actions. Hence, some deep thinking.) Things are not as easy today as they were back when I got started in my twenties. I hit the open mic circuit in Edmonton, Canada, and one thing led to another. Contests. Recordings. Attempts to break the folk fest circuit at a time when it was clear that festivals were the new and best ways to break artists in my country. It wasn’t easy, but it was wild and good fun. I chose one fork in the road while another former artistic colleague of mine chose to head to NYC and pursue her career there, with family connections supporting her. And somehow, without getting into the details of it, I can see we’ve reached similar places. The rest of life has also seeped into our processes of being performing songwriters. Hmmmmmm.

Looking back over two decades (am I really admitting that?), I can say I entered this process of being a ‘performing’ songwriter…naive, green, hopeful, optimistic, determined, passionate, excited, eager to know more. A lot of things happened that prompted my move to the Middle East and then my desire to stay for over a decade. Returning to the idea of embracing this as a career, which was always what I had hoped for and wanted and, to some extent, worked at…even if people – journalists, reviewers, etc., and mostly Canadian, damn them – kept flagging up in my face that I was a ‘teacher first’, my passion was always the music (were they not taking me seriously? it sure felt that way)…returning to this a second time in my life at 42 now, not 22, I have a different view of things, long and wide.

I’ve released two albums, been to conferences, talked to a lot of people, played a lot (paid to play and been paid to play), been my own booking agent, been my own manager, signed deals, had them broken, etc. etc. etc…I’m far less naive, and actually being in the trenches and working at it I’m far less naive than ‘less naive’. Yet, I still don’t know enough and I could hardly lay claim to know it all. I don’t. My knowledge is limited, and the industry’s current situation is so confusing even to the veterans that at least I can take some comfort there. We’re all in a muddle.

What have I lost? Some naivety. That is probably a good and bad thing. It’s good to know what you’re getting into. It’s bad to lose the energy behind innocence. Innocence breeds hopefulness, because you don’t know the ugliness of what you’re going to face. And there’s a lot of ugliness. I’ve got to quote this misquote again: “The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.” (An adaptation of something Hunter S. Simpson said about the TV business – LOL; http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/dubiousquotes/a/hunter_thompson.htm ). As a ‘performing songwriter’ who wants to make this a career that earns a living, however modest, my expectations exceed that of those who do this for a hobby, however cherished. I’m not there. I would be pained to accept this as a hobby only, even if it were my most favorite pasttime. It’s not enough. Why? I ask myself that, daily.

So, with a lot less naivety and at times a lot less blind enthusiasm, I am left with who I am and where I am today. What is that? That is the golden question.

What does it mean to me to be a performing songwriter today? It means I am honoring a deep inner calling to something I don’t fully understand. Putting that aside, when I am not working on this as a business venture, it is good fun when I stand on a ‘good’ stage and perform for an audience that is big enough or caring enough, however small, to show me they like my songs. That need to be appreciated is something very specific to those in the business of performance. I don’t understand it fully. But I know it exists. We don’t perform in the bathroom. We perform before others, to both give and receive.

What does it mean to me to be a performing songwriter? It changes daily. Some days it means I get to exercise the parts of me that wants to be and loves being an entrepreneur. I find business stimulating. The music business is both that and frustrating. But when it’s fun, by god, it’s fun. I think I’m a big kid in this body of mine. But there’s an adult mind co-existing there. And doing business in a playful world is a strangely satisfying thing, in some ways. It is.

Being a performing songwriter is a choice I’ve made, and one I could un-make, and I’m aware of it, and I’ve thought about it a few times in my life. We all have that right to choose. It is a life sometimes compartmentalized into parts – some days, I write songs; what pleasure is in that? – some days, I stand on a stage; what pleasure is in that? – some days, I call promoters and am one; what pleasure is in that?

Let me expand on this point. Years ago, I saw a good therapist who gave up a going music career as a classical/Flamenco guitarist to be a psychologist, and she asked me: “Lorelei, what parts of being a musician do you love and hate?” Good question and one born of experience, no doubt. It altered my view of this forever, in a good way. Another time, in the midst of a personal growth intensive, I thought I would break through my fears and did a rock climbing course, and was the best at it. I hadn’t broken any fears at all. I mused later to my therapist that perhaps I might jump out of an airplane and parachute down…as a way to break through my fears. This wise woman then said to me, “Perhaps. Or perhaps you might pick up the phone and call those in the music industry that you have been avoiding.” I got it. That would be another way to break through fears. Being a performing songwriter is, in addition to everything else, about breaking through fears for me.

It’s about breaking new personal records, too. It’s about holding myself to a level of personal accountability in achievement that I think many people (and that includes myself sometimes) do not know the first thing about. I have a friend who is an actor. I see what goes on in her mind, and I see how she takes care of her body and health. I see how she balances (and it isn’t always in balance) her relationships and external-internal efforts to connect, network, and…still do ‘the work’ of an actor. It isn’t much different for me as a songwriter. It’s about being the best i can be…at this. And that’s an interesting challenge.

It’s also about legacy. It’s about saying something because I have the need to say something meaningful – don’t ask me why. And it’s about leaving it behind to touch others – don’t ask me why. I’m compelled in strange ways.

What else does it mean to me to be a performing songwriter? Some days, I don’t know. Other days, I do. It’s about friendship, comraderie, growth, internal whisperings, art, beauty, emotion, journeys, stories, a life lived…fully.

This is my less than perfect attempt to answer the question I’ve posed to you for rumination at the start of 2010. And it is with some hesitation that I put myself out there so…candidly. But, why not? It’s a bold thing to be a performer. So, here I am. Talking to you honestly and openly. Isn’t that bold in this crazy world of papparazzi and manipulation and whatever else. They say it’s about connecting, and I think that is true. Because when everything else gets false and weird and distorted, connection is all you have. I’m testing here. So, here I am. Talking to you.

A thought before I go: I know there are some in this audience who have a strict belief that positive thinking is the ONLY way to live your life and be successful. I’m not a believer of that to the extent that I know that most of us fail at the practice of positive thinking ‘all’ of the time (and that, along with some of the dysfunctional behaviors that go on when you deny the hard realities of life, breeds a whole lot of other issues). However, I believe that positive thinking is an absolute necessity if you’re going anywhere you don’t want to be. Positive proactivity is a better way of putting it. The Steven Covey approach to life. I still believe it. I share, candidly, because it seems it is the only way to be absolutely in my integrity about what I am doing. I hope that is good for you and meets you where you’re at. It’s hard to be honest, some days, isn’t it?

I am sending this to you today on a Thursday instead of a Friday as it’s streamed out of my consciousness, and tomorrow I want to shut my computer off and enjoy a time out from the keys. It ‘should’ have been a video, but I think the written word here is a better form.

Best wishes this week!

Please share YOUR thoughts here re. what this all means to you.

WHAT IT MEANS TO ME TO BE A PERFORMING SONGWRITER
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=110532175707&topic=12599

I take inspiration from you. I hope we do from one another, all of us. For we are: Performing Songwriters (United Worldwide).

Yours,

Lorelei Loveridge
Founder, PSUW
President/Artist, Orderly Bazaar Records & Publishing
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lorelei-Loveridge-World-Travelling-Songwriter/142530793312

PS. Next week, I will share the links to some personal growth tools I began researching for you for the new year. I am hosting a New Year’s personal retreat for a few friends and thought some of this material might be helpful to you as you make some clarifications and decisions as to what you wish to do this year…differently.